i need an iv and a liver transplant
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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