Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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