Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
