Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Randomize
