my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't think brook has ever known best
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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