I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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