I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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