Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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