The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
