There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
