You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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