dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
