Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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