I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
