whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There's always time for handjobs
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
