Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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