I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
