I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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