And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
