Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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