bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You smell like stripper and shame
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
