Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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