She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
