If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
