I can't watch pbs sober anymore
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
