He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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