Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
