Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
