I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
