Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
