that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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