How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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