I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
