that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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