Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
