he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
