Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
