Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
