Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
