Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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