Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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