no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
