This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
