Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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