you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
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