But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
