HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
