Non-Jews are for practice
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
