so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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