just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
